Doug Stanhope visits

The team considers offering the chili to neighbors they don't like so as to poison them and take all their stuff.

the team recounts how a guest named Jason Lorig visited them and suggested that they eat a dock, befuddling the team

Phil opened his phone which had 2% left and it showed that Ubers were running

Phil clarifies that he's not craving cock, like a male chicken, but actual penis, schlong, dong

lacking the internet, the fallout characters start falling for whacked out, discredited philosophies and worldviews such as eugenics, criminal phrenology, Ayn Randism, Logical Positivism, Neo-Kantianism, etc.

Phil finds what he thinks is a bucket of Lettie Mae's chili, but it's a bucket latrine

everything is crazy, Phil says his appetite and taste have changed since the fallout and that he's really craving cock, like to actually eat and slobber all over a big throbbing cock

Phil used to grow hydroponic weed, so he jerry rigs a system to grow gigantic hothouse tomatoes for Lettie Mae's chili

I was about to win a $1 million prize in a rocket league tournament but I shat myself from Lettie Mae's Chili

the team thinks they may need to visit the Fupanistas to get ingredients that will make the chili edible

who put magic mushrooms in Lettie Mae's chili?

Lettie Mae's Chili has won the Greater Dildonia Survivors Chili Cookoff

a man named Justin R wanted to join the group because of the chili and dildoes but they turned him away because he was a sex offender before the fallout

everybody discusses just what in the fuck just happened and how they're the only ones left on Earth

Filthy Phil starts jerking it in front of everyone, he says if they're all going to die, might as well just do something insane

Lettie Mae was indeed impregnated by a Zombie, so she'll have to go live with it in the guard house to raise her human/zombie hybrid child with the zombie dad whom she has named Blllarrachghghh after the noise he makes

Jimmy Wah talks about his bar

Filthy Phil wonders if he should go out and impregnate a female zombie so that Blawrgghghghie Mae will have a playmate, or a rival?

Filthy Phil is really sad about Dr. Phil, wondering how he died, etc.

Filthy Phil was maimed by a group of brigands on the way to get baby formula and brains. The group was strangely led by singer/songwriter Dave Alvin

What does the H we're standing on stand for?

Phil found an underground lair with a timer that counts down every 108 minutes and you're supposed to hit a button before that happens but we don't know what will happen if we don't push it

Filthy Phil calls Marcus Anderson a dotty wee skidmark and a right cunt-hole for his blockchain getting us in this nuclear winter mess

Lettie Mae says that she once had a three-way with Dave Alvin and Jimmie Dale Gilmore

Filthy Phil wonders if any of the members of his favorite football team survived, or if they're having affairs with zombie female soccer hooligans

Everybody starts hurling expletive-laced cutdowns against the JARS AI character guest, like fuck, shit, cunt, cock, pussy

Only Abraham Lincoln can save us now

Lettie Mae considers turning tricks for Dave Alvin's group in hopes of him and Jimmie Dale Gilmore sharing resources and maybe spy a little bit on them

Filthy Phil found a huge, creepy, Carcossa-style compound that contained a labyrinth of passages and queef jar storage rooms

Phil, for some reason, seems to be overly concerned about fupas in the post-apocalypse

Phil has gononnrhea

Dave Alvin was killed by a zombie Lemmie from Motorhead and now he's leading that group

Lettie Mae is just glad she's in the nuclear apocalypse and not on that Yo Mamma Madness Show with the purple monster, the yellow-green monster, and the pink monster.

There are some crunchy granola feminists trying to take over the entire region with their pipe-hitting, protesting, fupa-flaunting, Indigo-Girls playing, Doc Martin-wearing, Bud Heavy schwilling, etc. Beware the fupanistas!

Phil just left the prison grounds and saw the actual Squidbillies bopping along, cussing and firing off shotguns and going WOOO BAYBAAYYY!!!

Phil found a rusty old Ford Pinto

Phil got attacked by Fupanistas who stole his Pinto and all of the dildoes

Phil calls the guest a name.

Phil has fixed up the Pinto and will drive it near the Fupanista compound with a "FREE DILDOES" sign on the side as bait

Lettie Mae thought she had found an underground aquifer of fresh water but turns out it was just a hole in the ground full of dildoes

Although she's not saying yes or no, everyone thinks that Lettie Mae has taken one of the best dildoes for her own personal use

Phil is mad because before the apocalypse, he was going to be on the cover of Boner Fancy Magazine

Phil put one of the dildoes up his butt and has an infection

Lettie Mae goes out and gives Lemmy a good tongue lashing and he goes away

Zombie Lemmy is at the gates and demands a sacrifice

Phil found some weed in the woods and now they're all high as shit

Phil got anal warts from Zombie Lemmy; he coulnd't resist, he's just such a big Motorhead fan, he doens't look that much different than he did in life

Phil tells everyone how much he leveled the fuck up in Rocket League, in all modes, etc.

Lettie Mae wonders out loud about oral sex in the apocalypse

Who in the fuck took a shit in the chili again?

It may have been Bjorn Borg who shat in the chili

Filthy Phil finds that the neighboring camp is friendly, but they start to get hostile when Phil pulls out the dildoes and weed

The team takes stock of just what the phuck has been going on, also, Filthy Phil found another camp on the other side of them away from Lemmy et al

Lettie Mae went exploring and found a full cast of the Dukes of Hazzard, complete with the General Lee

Filthy Phil proposes that he show them his cock, maybe they'll like a real East Ender trouser snake

Ru Paul's Drag Race visits and it bothers Phil because they were interested in his trouser snake

the whole team strangely has herpes and denies that each slept with the other although there's no other explanation

Phil calls Lettie Mae a dotty wee skidmark and suggests she flop her tits around at the new group

the team gets visited by a band of fuckoes who are racist and MAGA and were all at January 6

What in the world are we going to do with all of our shit? This prison will only hold so much. All the plumbers were killed in the apocalypse.

Lettie Mae keeps having to pick up cum socks

Phil just doesn't want to welcome in others, etc.

Phil suggests using cumsocks as zombie bait

The team wins a latrine digging competition with the local post-apocalyptic rotary club

Phil suggests finding camps of people they don't like and harvesting their brains for zombie traps

John McEnroe just appeared on the east wall, yelled "OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, REF! THEY TOOK A GODDAMN SHIT IN THE CHILI AGAIN!" and the disappeared, never to be seen again. So odd.

Filthy Phil offers to drive into the nearest town to get some baby formula and brains to mix together to feed little Blawrgghghghie Mae

the human-zombie hybrid child, a girl, named Blawrgghghghie Mae, has chewed through her iron cage crib

Filthy Phil wonders if he can also impregnate Lettie Mae and his human child can kill the zombie hybrid like a little Carl Grimes

Lettie Mae doesn't know how she got pregnant

the characters wonder what's for lunch

Lettie Mae fell asleep at the timer and the only thing that happened was that some corndogs were ready in a giant microwave

the crew talks about the kinds of food they want to steal from neighboring groups

each character shares what their profession was before the fallout

each character shares their favorite Helga Sven movie

the team has found yet another dildo factory and wonder just how in the fuck they're finding so many of these, is this a whole dildo factory district?

Lettie Mae found a helicopter

Phil saw some zombies outside the walls and decided to have sex with a female zombie he found

the Avajar was a sex offender before the bomb, should we cast them out?

Did you ever hear how Tajikistan solved the problem with their dam project? They dug out all the earth but shipped it off because they're dumb. Then they needed something to actually build the dam from. Thus, used dildoes.

Phil vehemently assures everyone, with completely uncensored language, about how he's not a poof; everybody's trying to get at his bum and cock

David Allan Coe once did time in the Tennessee State Penitentiary which still stands in Nashville; let's go and channel Coe's spirit; wait, what? David ALlan Coe is still alive??!

The team considers a rebranding, maybe the Buttplug Bandits. More menacing? Wrong message? Inaccurate?

Are we gonna dress up and go trick or treating amongst the other groups as long as they're friendly, then maybe go rape and pillage for real at less friendly camps?

Phil reveals about how his mom's Sunday Roast was way worse than Lettie's chili; it had all kinds of weird English shit in it like Scotch eggs and liver and onions and other fucking godawful mess

Lettie Mae will find motherfucking ingredients to make her chili the best goddamn chili this side of the apocalypse; she'll kill for ingredients if she has to, maybe pummel a few fupas

We found a neighboring group hiding from the zombies, but they all like the greatest hits of all of our favorite bands instead of their deeper catalogue. So we will not trade with these boring fucks.

Phil found a glory hole in the basement cells and tried it out, indeed got his dick sucked

I found a neighboring group with cool tats and piercings who had all the bootlegs of my favorite band.

Filthy Phil killed Zombie Lemmie in a heroic feat

there are zombies covered in cumsocks outside the gates

Filthy Phil explains how his father once said "I'd rather fuck than eat."

the team takes stock of their current situation

Fucking goddamn motherfucker. Somebody has taken a diarrhea shit in the chili again. For fuck's sake.

Comedian Bill Burr had been captured by the Fupanistas and held in a Gilligan's Island-style bamboo cage; he roasted the Fupanistas but then started going off about people from Philadelphia

The Fupanistas attacked and almost killed the entire lot of the survivors

Phil was supposed to go buy a cow but came back with "magic beans." turns out, it's some Blue Dream sativa marijuana

Phil says he forgot to mention that the people were cool and all but made him give up his butt for their own butt stuff even though he didn't want to at the time

Fucking goddamn motherfucker. Somebody has taken a diarrhea shit in the chili again. For fuck's sake.

Hell has frozen over, Vandy is 2-0 in football & ran out of fireworks in their defeat of Alcorn State. Surely the Dores will finish out undefeated but shut out of the playoff due to the bias against them.

Lettie Mae's chili hasn't been shit in in a fortnight

Here come the Fupanistas

Once we defeat the Fupanistas, we may place their decapitated heads upon pikes as a warning to the other groups; our chili will be extra delicious

The group wonders what they would say or do to one another if the cameras weren't rolling; wait, there's fucking cameras? This is a fucking show? Goddamnit. FML.

Was it Chip who took a dump in the chili?

The motherfucking Titans blew a 17-0 lead at Soldier Field and fucking blew it. They allowed 14 points in the 4th. MOTHERFUCKER! Goddamn Levis.

fucking Titans

Are you confused about my downstairs mixup? I've got a MANGINA!

Lettie Mae needs baby formula with a large percentage of brains. Do they make zombie baby formula with synthetic brains?

Lettie Mae's baby, turns out, is a human-zombie hybrid; she must have passed out that one time they got all drunk outside the walls and gotten taken advantage of by a zombie

a random character learns how to create methanfetamine and bath salt, gets right to work on making drugs

What could be inside the safe?

There's a new human in the area named Roll Tide Ronnie. Dude is drunk as fuck and wants to fight 24/7 despite not having any alcohol in sight. But he's a fucking beast at killing zombies. He calls them UT fans.

Well here the fuck he is, Roll fucking Tide Ronnie. How you doing Ronnie? Where'd you get that Jack Daniels and that nine millimeter?

We went to Carcossa and, of course our luck, found a cache of dildoes. Turns out, though, they're HAUNTED dildoes. Can you imagine? Like do the ghosts that haunt them give orgasms? Seems like a feature not a bug.

Is somebody seriously calling that human-zombie Hope? I think we should call it HOLY FUCKING SHIT GET RID OF THAT THING AND CAST IT OUTSIDE THE WALL. That's a more fitting name.

Who in the Mickey Mouse shit is this goddamn foul mouthed squid doing here? He arrived in a bucket of chicken.

Remember Nine Eleven? Those were the days considering this Dildonic Plague and Nuclear Apocalypse that happened some 25 years later.

Before the Bomb, Marcus Anderson was inventing a cheap, renewable energy source. His program is called Queefs to Kilowatts and can be achieved by a collection of 15-20 women 2-3 days per week.