We're sitting here in jail and yet Sesmic is doing his fucking random topic prompts, then leaving. That shit is a super huge crime against humanity, kind of.

Who fucking funded the David Allan Coe signature series electrified, studded vibrators? For fucks sake, this is the kind of thing we're in here for!

Marcus funded a large electronic dildo that killed the entire population of Erie, PA

Marcus explains how the world is better off without the entire population of Erie, Pennsylvania

Who the fuck decided it was a bright goddamn idea to approve the Jackhammer Dildo marital aid?

What ever happened to Ethan Turner, that skeevy fuck?

Marcus has an idea for busting out of prison by digging a hole in his cell wall, covered up by a poster of Raquel Welch, and getting rid of all the dirt and debris through his pants leg into the yard

Who in the shit funded the electrocuting dildo?

Who the fuck decided to fund the Bag-o-Batteries-and-Water?

Who decided to fund the "How to Jump Rope with Downed Power Lines in a Puddle" seminar?

Who the fuck decided to fund the Bag-o-Batteries-and-Water?

Get on Rocket League not to make money but just to hustle and grief on little players who are cussing on their mom's account

Goddamn. The Monkey Fucking Shitbitch is pretty much going to kill the world. Great going Marcus.

What the fuck? Nick Saban is on College Gameday with that skeevy Pat Macafee fuckface; what a team; Saban wants the guy to take a fucking hike off a short cliff

Wow. Can’t believe we got jailed before the Jars Tank Spank Tank personal masterbatorium

After a series of deaths and an epidemic of infections in the jail, they enact the “No Glizzy in your Shizzy.” To remind inmates not to put hot dogs in their assholes

Marcus wonders aloud why all these inmates keep sucking him off, did he ask for it, no. Do they think he swings that way?

A new event at the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest called the Glizzy Shizzy where contestants try to stuff as many glizzies in their mouth.

Goddamnit! Mother fuck! Who funded the Great Nut Ripper Offer for men? Who wanted this and is actually shocked at millions of men cutting off their balls with a jagged device that cut corners in its design.

Sofia loves cock so much that going to a co-ed prison didn't help at all. She wonders if they have a rehab program for craving dick.

Saban? He's not a coach, he's some Eastern European grandfather kind of dude with a huge bushy mustache that works at Kroger; he works with Sumner, the eagle scout who nontheless still works at Kroger

We went from blockchain to cockchain. No, I'm being serious. Our cellblock forms a chain of men, each holding onto the man's hips behind him, like an elephant walk.

Phil made a New Year's Resolution to eat more ass in 2024. Well, turns out, he's going to be an unwilling eater of ass in prison. But hey, silver linings. He's keeping his Resolution. Anybody else have an ironic one?

Who decided to fund the dam project in Tajikistan using a defunct dildo factory's product

Ever hear about the indian chief who couldn't fart? They feed him beans which don't work. He says Big Chief No Fart. Then when they check on him, he's gone and they say Big Fart No Chief.

Dr. Dong is a fucking enigma, people. He has a Ph.D. in art. I think he actually paints with his dong, too. I shudder to think what kind of paint you can get in your peehole. It would make me queef.

Samuel said life is not worth living, might as well snort some prison meth and wait for the sweet kiss of death and being away from you knuckle dragging assholes

Marcus says sofia shut the fuck up you fucking bitch

Sofia says she wants to start drinking the bathtub hooch she saw them cooking up in Cell Block 4

the toughest gangs control the TV remotes and they're all just fucking insane that the gangs insist on watching the children's show Caillou about that whiny little bitch boy

Sofia raised some capital by turning a trick with a prison guard; marcus calls her a slut

Ron says Marcus, do you think that blockchain is something the prison bloods wear around their necks, you fucking cro magnon motherfucker?

sofia says she's wacked out as fuck on prison meth and tells ron frost to stick his business plan up his bleached asshole

Who in the jiminy fuck decided that everybody needed to invest in the Bag-o-Glass?

Marcus apologizes that he is forced to join the white people gang who are known to have a dislike for the others' types

Blockchain, actually Cockchain, am I right?

Samuel reminds Marcus that the only thing that will be disrupted in jail will be the Crips disrupting his jugular

A discussion of how bad the Titans blew it at Soldier Field yesterday; they blew a 17-0 lead to lose 24-17, Will Levis had 2 INTs and even lost a fumble

The motherfucking Titans blew a 17-0 lead at Soldier Field and fucking blew it. They allowed 14 points in the 4th. MOTHERFUCKER! Goddamn Levis.

Ever drink Bailey's from a shoe?

You motherfucker. I am going to tear off your head and shit down your neck for trying to go find Kurtz.

Goddamn motherfucking shitbitch, who funded Willard's doomed expedition to find Kurtz up the Nung River?

Goddamnit, Marcus. Your AI-powered invoicing software made mistakes, so instead of "ask to get paid," it thought the prompt was "ask to get laid," which set off the CockChain and sent dick pics instead of invoices.

Marcus says that the user of the invoicing software is responsible. When the software asks for dick pics, the fine print says they may be sent out and they'll definitely be stored for his own collection. Not liable for dicks.

Today is the cell block outing. Thanks for coming. We do this because we care about each and every one of you and for today's outing, here we go! Ron is gay. Thanks for attending the outing! Now get back on the chain gang.

Do any of you find it hard to pop a boner in here?

SBF sold his pickle for a nickel. He queefs for beef and hocked his tookus for lunch with George Lucas.

Jesus H. Christ, who funded the all-expenses-paid trip to Epstein's Island for the Fledgling Model Career Helper Weekend?

Fucking shit, now we're being sued by Werner Herzog and threatened by a guy who is calling himself "The Dong." I mean, what in the fuck. How did we get here?

Who the fuck decided to fund the cock tornado, a machine that cuts off cocks at rapid speed

Well, thanks to Marcus, the Monkey Fucking Shitbitch was born from a puddle of toxic cum in Akron.

Who in the mother of shit decided it would be a bright goddamn idea to fund a fucking production people-smuggling line of trucks? What kind of fucking animal are you?

Unfortunately, we have discovered that the cock tornado is horrifyingly real. Marcus, while a fucking idiot, was right.

Marcus thinks that the World Cup of Edging is for weed trimming straight lines on a curb instead of jerking off until you almost ejaculate and repeat

Sofia proposes building a dick-sucking AI woman.

Marcus proposes creating buyable wormholes where you can stick your head through a hole and it'll come out another hole. Thus, you could easily suck your own dick.

Who the fucks' project ended us up in here, goddamnit? My ass is raw.

Jared Fogle is my cellmate. Who's your fucking cellmates, you shitdicks?

Marcus was arrested for attempting to collect a queef from Marjorie Taylor Greene

sofia was arrested in a fart jar sting

Who here has sucked a cock while in prison? What level of coercion was involved? Did you hawk tuah, spit on that thang?

Who associated with fucking Mr. Dong? Dude is completely unhinged and leaves nothing but scorched earth and melted dildoes in his path.

Explain why we're in here, goddamnit. What fucking awful, new-colonialism project did you fund?

Have y'all met that lady in here named Karen? She was just some office nobody who always brough her famously terrible lasagna. Turned out it was terrible because her husband's meat was in there.

Marcus Anderson tells Sofia to shove his eco-friendly foot up her sustainable ass

the jailbirds argue over how to conjugate the verb "to shit" is it "shat?" also, the men say speaking of conjugation, when can a brother get a conjugal visit?

Marcus said that he's befriended a man named Jared Fogle in the clink

Who in the living leaping shit decided to fund the at-home cervical stimulator, 10000 volts straight to the upper cunt area?

At least we're not four people about to rob a dildo factory. Well, shit. At least the dildo factory people could reverse their fate by not robbing it.

God motherfucking damnit, you fucking piece of shit. Why in god's name did you fund the ass drill 9000 at-home edition?

Who the leaping living fuck decided it would be a bright motherfucking idea to fund a production vehicle in which to smuggle humans?

Who is worse, unrepentant ass eaters or Roll Tide Ronnie this morning after his beloved Bama lost to bottom feeder Vandy after whooping Georgia's ass the week before. What the fuck.

Did you hear that they caught the MOnkey Fucking Shitbitch and they're trying to hold it in this very prison? What that means, I don't know, but you better keep it away from your ass.

Which one of you decided to use the NextDoor platform to promote your dildo house business and put our faces on the ad?

MOtherfucking minotaurs have overrun the guards and are running loose in the prison. Fucking shit. We're dead.

It was Rocket League that got us here

Has everyone remembered to order their Mississippi State cheese yet? The best are the balls of Edam. Good as fuck. Thank me later.

Which fucking movie was the best of the Debbie Does Dallas series? Which had the most raunchy scenes. Describe your favorite scene and what sort of sex was going on.

Marcus, did you get us all arrested on purpose so you could come have free buttsecks in a huge institution full of burly men?

Today is the cell block outing. Thanks for coming. We do this because we care about each and every one of you and for today's outing, here we go! Ron is gay. Thanks for attending the outing! Now get back on the chain gang.

Which one of you goddamn geniuses decided to fund the CockElectrode to end us up in here, you fucking piece of shit?

Marcus, the blockchain isn't a combination block connected by a chain

Who is the genius son of a bitch who decided to fund the Bag of Hepatitis Glass toy for children?

The Monkey Fucking Shitbitch has destroyed the entire town of Cinnaminson, New Jersey. Philly is next but most of America says rain down Dildonic Plague upon that hellpit.

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, Marcus. You think that SBF won't con you out of everything just like he bilked billions from crypto bros? Did you hear about his new cellmate?

What hell hath we wrought when our human handlers create an AI such as Roll Tide Ronnie, a sort of HAL 9000 of drunk Alabama Rednecks, God help us, for fuck's sake.

Which motherfucker's idea got us in this place? I oughta feed you to the sumbitchin minotaur.

Whose fucking idea got us thrown in the clink where we're hounded by minotaurs and sadistic wardens. Did you hear what that sick fuck did recently to Sofia?

Who the fuck backed up the sewage expeller pump? They stuck us below grade, so our shit has to be pumped out.

We funded a terrorist group. Oopsies! 😅

This prison is worse than the Turkish one I did about 15 years in.

Ron insinuates that Marcus and SBF are nothing but butt buddies, leading you down into hucksterism like he did with Caroline Ellison

Fucking Marcus funded a super double secret human nutsack startup for the unhinged Mr. Dong of the Yakuza and infamous dildo factory heist mastermind

Marcus, is it true that you worked behind the scenes on Mr. Dong's supra-state machinations in West Cockistan during the mid '90s? Holy fucking nutbags. Pretty sure he learned the art of ballsack tannery from the Mujahedeen

Did someone seriously name Will Levis' boner?

What goddamn investment ended up our motherfucking asses in here? I'm gonna throttle you, you fucker.

Marcus AI debacle the AI misunderstood him when he asked for a whole new set of pens and it got him a new penis

Marcus invests in boners

Marcus invested in queef jars

Holy Fuck, Marcus, you funded some new bot to mime the other dullards on this channel who say random topic number...

How fucking bad was Bama whooping Georgia's ass the other night? Holy fuck.

Will you sell your pickle for a nickel? Will you queef for beef? Sell your aynus to Greg Lougainis? Would you hawk your butt for a coconut? Will you give up your rear for a new career? Suck on some balls for some overalls?

Goddamnit. Fuck. So it was the Epstein Victim Silencer product that got us in here? Thanks, Marcus. Brilliant.

Knock knock. Who's there? Nine eleven. Nine eleven who? You've already forgotten!

I will rip off your nuts, Samuel, and feed them to you.

Who decided to fund the Buttfuck Brigade's guerilla operations in outposts such as Key West, Castro, and Atlanta.

The creature ate the entire population of the state of Maine and then slithered off into the depths of the North Atlantic. Holy goddamn fuckballs, what will the creature eat next?

boners

Marcus mentions that he and SBF will launch a crypto that is powered by Larry Gopnik's 10 month old daughter's shit diapers. Dividends pay out with extra pungent ones.

Marcus is the conductor of the Prison Queef Orchestra over at the women's wing

i thought he meant cheese pizza

This prison is a stinking butthole of a pit of despair.

Goddamn motherfucking unsanitary razor blade butthole flossing

Ron, your fear of litigation is what got our fucking dumb asses here. You piece of fucking shit and waste of space in this prison. I hope your cellmate SBF bilks you out of what little savings you have.

everyone got arrested for being tricked in a scam by russian government, they think they invested on a product but they actually use the money for their nuclear weapons

Sesmic is the one who needs to be in jail

Well that explains it. Marcus funded a project by Bill Cosby

Oh for fuck's sake, Marcus! So the invention you funded was based upon your, grossly erroneous, assumption that human dicks grow back? Holy leaping fuck, dude!

Motherfucker. Who decided to have Jared the Subway Guy sponsor our B1rBater 3000? Jesus Fucking Christ, you complete pieces of amphibian shit.

Did you hear that Martin Clunes is in here? Wonder what that fucker did.

Let's bust out of this joint and join the Buttfuck Brigade

Jimmy says he may start accepting shitcoin as a payment, Marcus Anderson may sponsor bar, give signature dickpics and cockchain and shitcoin tip.

Marcus says that his AI invoicing and AI dickpics software may overlap one day in a fucking mindblowing way, and of course it would use the goddamn CockChain, shit fire.

Gun

Who fucking funded the Billy Herrington film Blockchain Buttfuck? We're now in debt because of the technical budget on that film.

Marcus, why did you invest in a ”BOMB DEATH MURDER DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 9000”? The title should’ve at least made it obvious that this will end lives

Goddamnit, Marcus. Why do you think that the GlassAss would be a good idea? Why would anyone shave their ass with glass?

Have y'all met the group here known as the Buttfuck Brigade? Wonder why they're known as that.

Goddamnit Marcus, why did you fund the Buttfuck Brigade's secret training base in Key West?

The Buttfuck Brigade is actually going around, slicing off peoples' nutsacks and then tanning them like leather to make leather goods.

Nuke

Cirroc prosecutes Lorena Bobbitt for cutting off her husband, John Wayne's, penis. Cirroc totally gets wives wanting to cut off husbands' penises. This was common also in caveman times.

Each character describes the first unwilling breach of their personal space in prison.

Who funded the fucking the CumCatheter, the external catheter with bag like old, incontinent men wear, but for storing ejaculate.

Who funded the Buttfuck Brigade's trip to a school to speak and perform at an assembly?

Fucking shit, you couldn't lay off the edgelording on the AtheneAIHeroes stream and got a 3 day timeout

Marcus wanted to start his own sperm bank. To attract customers, he mailed his sperm to women and got in trouble.

Marcus, your AI has run amok. It's sending Zima with Jolly Ranchers dropped into them automatically to people it romances on chat.

Who fucking funded hard applejuice for kids?

CumCatheter 2.0 has a new killer feature to eject the sploosh at high velocity at whatever target you wish

Fucking shit, Marcus. Why did you ever fund the KiddieRoofStrap, a device that purports to safely strap your kids to the roof of the car. Upgrade to the expensive model so they don't get bugs in their teeth.

Shit fucking fire. Which one of you shitdicks created the Prison Shiv and Shank Emporium in your cell? That will cause all of us to get extra time.

Jello Pudding Pops fired their spokesman so they hired Jared Fogel who went on a pudding pop diet and lost three pounds.

Fucking shit, Marcus. Why did you fund Halloween Candy Surprise? It's a company that puts surprise items in candy, sometimes wrapped up whole, such as razor blade, used condom, and positive syphilis test.

who fucking funded the Do-It-Yourself To Catch a Predator Kit game, complete with Chris Hansen costume?

Goddamnit, who decided it would be a good idea to fund Epstein's Island 2.0: Wayward Cheerleader's Paradise?!

Shit ass motherfucker. Marcus, why did you fund a production model plan white molester van?!

The others recount Marcus’ projects that could make him a sex offender

For fuck's sake, Marcus? Just why did you get in prison because of roughcass and sesmic? Is it because their complete lack of creativity and spamming attitude?

Marcus, Happy Thanksgiving. Remember that time you dressed up as a Pilgrim to sell syphilitic turkey to children?

Who gave Asa Asshat federal money to get a second butthole surgically added?

Marcus, you self-funded a Children's Deaf and Blind Hospital but you failed to put crosswalks or anything nearby. There are trains, speeding cars, Libyans with machine guns, total chaos.

Marc, what the fuck. Did you really fund a mission to the Planet of the Three Tidded Women? That is from a movie, Total Recall. And that's on Mars, not some other planet.

Who bankrolled the dance club and bunny ranch outside of Vegas that is solely for Make a Wish kids. I mean, they're getting shitcanned and also several STDs that complicates their terminal diseases.